6:30 a.m.. Every morning I get out of bed, take a shower, brush my teeth, do my skincare, get dressed, and finally sit down to complete the final part of my routine: makeup. I go through my seven step routine, carefully painting over my insecurities until I can look at myself in the mirror, satisfied.
I didn’t wear makeup before quarantine, and neither did most of my classmates, so it came as a shock to me when I returned to school to find many of my peers were wearing makeup to school daily. When the mask mandate was lifted, I felt naked without my mask on. I grew increasingly insecure of the way I looked, and thus I found my new “mask” in makeup. When wearing makeup, I felt more accepted. When looking less like myself, I felt more accepted.
I can’t remember a day since sophomore year that I didn’t wear makeup to school. An obsession with fitting in has been the norm for high school students, especially in the digital age. Social media allows for greater exposure to superficial standards at a young age, fostering insecurity, competition, and self-consciousness. It causes young minds to manifest their insecurities into a string of what-ifs? What if I was skinnier? Then would my crush finally notice me? What if my hair was straight? Then would I be liked more? When you are raised in a world that places so much value on outward appearance, you begin to link every achievement, or failure, back to your looks.
This is the story of many students on our campus.
The other day, I mentioned this topic to my friends, and their response brought forth some realizations. “I don’t wear makeup a lot, but recently I’ve been wearing mascara. I look more awake,” they said. “I would never go to school without makeup. It’s just how it is.” Hearing that my closest friends feel too insecure to ever not wear makeup to school made me realize that many others have felt the need to hide behind a mask, too. People have resigned themselves to the idea that they will never be comfortable without makeup, that their insecurities are something to be ashamed of. Something that must be painted over.
As a senior, I have gained some perspective on my relationship with makeup throughout my high school experience. I have grown from feeling pressured to conform, to accepting and respecting myself. Now, I enjoy my seven step makeup routine in the morning, because I do makeup for myself. I’ve learned that makeup doesn’t have to be a mask, but can be a form of self-expression and relaxation, instead. Although I’m never going to feel completely confident everyday, I have grown more aware of that little voice in my head asking “what if?”.
So I’ll leave you with this: To all the people struggling with their self-worth, you are enough. You look beautiful with and without makeup. You are worthy and more than your looks. You aren’t alone. I know you will make it through to the other side. The side were makeup is no longer a mask, but rather something that makes you genuinely happy. No longer something to hide behind, but rather an extension of your inner beauty.
